One of the most important elements in any relationship, whether it's with a romantic partner, business partner, employee, supervisor, child, parent, sibling, or with Source is effective communication.

When most people think of communication, they think of talking. An effective communicator is often viewed as one who is articulate and an effective speaker.

However, when it comes to relationships, our ability to listen is far moreimportant than our ability to talk. The mark of a great communicator is less about being articulate; and more on being an effective listener.

When someone is expressing a viewpoint that you disagree with, how actively are you listening to them? Are you striving to better understand their insights and perspective, or are you barely listening as you formulate your response to what you "know" is the error in their thinking.

One of the biggest complaints most people have in their relationships is the sense that they are not being heard. Few things frustrate and damage relationships as much as the sense that our partner feels that we are not trying to hear them. Contrastingly, there are few skills as powerful as active listening to heal, strengthen and sustain any relationship.

Here are some simple but powerful techniques to help you in any relationship:

Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
Most failed relationships have at their core, two people that are more concerned with being heard, being understood, and/or being “right.” They have little interest or commitment to understanding the other. They have already concluded they know what the other is going to say.

"THE KEY" they believe, is to get their partner to finally listen to them and understand what they think. The obvious problem is, when both parties are striving to be heard, no one is trying to listen. When both are trying to be understood, no one is trying to understand.

The Healing Sound of Silence.
When your partner is talking to you, focus as much as you can, on what they are saying to you. Then quietly allow yourself to absorb what they have said. There is nothing more validating than witnessing your partner thinking about what you have just said.

Changing a relationship can only occur when there are changes in behavior, and changes in behavior can only occur when there are changes in attitude and perspective.

These changes can occur only when we stop and give new perspectives a chance. Many people are not comfortable with silence. However, when you can demonstrate that your silence is a sign of respect and consideration, it will be honored and appreciated.

Reflective Listening.
After you have allowed yourself to fully hear what your partner is saying to you, and have given yourself several minutes to absorb and appreciate their perspective, you can then share that understanding back to them. This powerful skill often goes unutilized because people feel awkward and silly with it in the beginning.

Like any new skill, you are going to be clumsy and less than fluent with it in the beginning. However, be patient and practice with one another.

The key is not to repeat back verbatim what was just said, but to share a thoughtful, reflective impression of what they have just said.

These simple, but powerful tools have many benefits. First, they provide you with the opportunity to learn, grow, and change. Second, they can quickly deescalate a disagreement. Finally, they often encourage reciprocity from your partner.

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