One question I frequently am asked from single parents is "why does my child yell at me? Both mothers and fathers ask this. For the purpose of this article, I will approach it as if I were talking to a mother. However, please keep in mind that these issues are not gender specific.

"Why," they ask me, "is my child so angry and disrespectful with me, especially when I am the one who is always there for them? And their (father) will disappear for months or years at a time, (he) has broken so many promises to them, and has broken their hearts so many times."

"Yet, they are so nice, so respectful to their dad, and then they hang from talking with him, and start yelling, arguing and being disrespectful to me. Why are they so kind and considerate to their (dad) and so rude to me?"

The reality is, as hard as it might be to believe, it is actually a compliment.

At this, I usually hear a gasp and get a perplexed stare from them.

Let me explain. If a child has an inconsistent, untrustworthy relationship with a parent, they are very careful and on guard whenever they talk to them. The child's fear is that if they were to allow their feelings to show, the inconsistent parent might disappear all together.

On the other hand, the consistent parent, who has been there for them, is a safe place for the child. They know that they can be their "worst self" and the consistent parent will still be there. They can yell, scream and tantrum, and they know that you will be there for them, to hold them, care for them, and continue to show them unconditional love.

So, the next time your child yells at you, just interpret it for the message that it is. "Mom, I love and trust you, and feel safe with you enough to be real with you, show you my worst side and know that you will not give up on me, reject me, or hold my venting against me."

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